Never Forget...

I can't believe it's been 5 years. I vividly remember where I was and what I was doing. I remember Lee waking me up telling me that a plane hit the WTC...then we watched as another one hit. Then I think we didn't leave the TV for days. Just thinking of it now I get those butterflies in my stomach that I had that day.

I think every American should watch the USA movie FLIGHT 93.....I have not seen the motion picture but this USA movie is very moving and I have to tell you, I was unable to verbalize my feelings after watching that movie. All I could do was sob. I mean truly sob, head in hands. Lee brought me a dishtowel to wipe my face and then sat down with me and held me. It's all he could do. It is really a well made movie and I think we should all watch and remember how we felt those days right after 9/11/01. We are still as much under attack as ever...nothing has gone away except for the fact that our fine military is taking the brunt for us....because the terrorists know that instead of travelling thousands of miles and spending alot of money to kill Americans, they can spend their lunch money on a bus ticket to go to Iraq to try to kill some.

2 weeks ago, Katie had to write an essay on what she wanted to do with her life and how it would make a difference to the world. She wrote it on being a photographer. Days like today really bring home how important photos are. They help us to remember. I never think of photographer as a noble profession but it can be.

We need pictures so that we can have our own real memories, not distorted truth fed to us. Our grandchildren will be able to see with their own eyes our history and not be fed a kinder gentler version.


I can't express the grief that I am feeling today. I have a lump in my throat that just won't go away.

Welcome Chico!

I have a new baby!! His name is CHICO. He is a one year old chihuahua mix. I rescued him from the vet. He was an abandoned pet. He is a very sweet little dog, weighs about 10 lbs and is very good with the kids. Sometimes I know small dogs are nervous or jumpy around kids but not CHICO! He loves the kids, even goes to bed with them at night! I wish I could put a picture of him here!

Back to School!

Well, alot has happened in the month I haven't posted. Shortly after my last post, I went on a week-end trip with my good friend from Germany.....had a BLAST! It was like I was in high school again, I haven't laughed so much in ages. My friend was great and her son and Katie really had a great time riding roller coasters and crazy rides at Silver Dollar City in Branson.

The girls went back to school on Aug 16. Katie is having a difficult time adjusting to jr high school but she will be fine. She is running for Jr Queen of Crocker Railroad Days and is excited. They had to write an essay and do 6 hours of community service. She picked up trash along the side of the road for 3 hours (all of the girls did that activity) and then volunteered at our local thrift shop that benefits the local battered woman shelter. They also had pictures taken and will have an interview.

Hannah is loving 1st grade! SHe has an awesome teacher and made 100% on her 1st test ever!

I have started back to school as well. I am only taking one class because Lee will take 4 classes this term. But by next year when Drew starts kindergarten, I should be ready to start nursing school. Woohoo!

My mother-in-law and her husband came for another visit. They stayed the week-end and left their dog with us while they go to Europe for a month. We played BOGGLE until the wee hours every night!! FUN! Of course Lee slaughtered us every time but at least I beat my MIL every time. I think she was getting irritated by that but that is just a feeling I got (but Lee got the feeling too--Hahaha)....Julie if you read this you will probably laugh at that!!!

I am going to start weight watchers....I had already made the decision but yesterday I got a points calculator at the thrift shop for $2 (they cost about $30 I think). It was a GOD thing! Thanks for the points calculator GOD--I hear ya talkin to me!!! So say a little prayer for me.

More to follow on weight watchers and how I feel women should be attractive for their men....first I need to pray about it.

Grandparents

There's nobody like grandparents to love on your kids. Lee's mom just left after an 8 day visit. Before that we haven't seen her in 4 years. Drew was I think 9 months old when he last saw her. The children couldn't have been happier to see her or more loving towards her. It was so so sad to see how they craved that attention from a grandparent, but great to see them getting it. Hannah and Drew loved just talking to her, she curled Hannah's hair, she chased Drew around and tickled him, she watched movies with them, bought them a SORRY game and played it with them, and once even played "Rachael Ray" with Hannah (she loves Rachael Ray and apparently so does Grandma). I do have lots of regrets about the last years of my life, but don't get me wrong, there are lots of reasons why my children haven't really had grandparents. Some things you can't get over, some you can. Nothing happened with Grandma that can't be gotten over. It was mainly hurt feelings and misunderstandings during a VERY stressful time in both of our lives. Hopefully this is a new beginning with this grandparent anyway because we need her and want her to be part of our life. Hannah Grace cried her eyes out all night long when Grandma left, she had us all in tears.

I am starting back to school! I have to do it. I took a class last year but only one because then we were house hunting and moving, and things just got in the way. Things will always get in the way though, if I let them. So Lee will be taking 4 , yes, 4 classes and I will take probably just 1. Money will be tight but now is the time. I will get a pell grant but not enough to cover the entire cost. I will go one night a week and with Drew in preschool I will have everyday from 12-3 to study if I want. I am praying about it and I feel led to do it. I have always wanted to be a nurse and I am going for it! I can't wait. I am going to buy myself a new notebook and pen!!! hahaha.....I remember as a child being so excited over new school supplies.

I am going in 2 weeks to see my friend Kimberly who lost her husband in Iraq. I am so anxious! We are going to have fun. We are meeting halfway between our homes, in Branson MO. Should be great fun and I can't wait to give her a big hug. I haven't seen her in 2 years now. I miss all of my friends from Germany so badly. Hopefully we can have some kind of reunion one day. That year of our lives was intense and we grew to love each other and depend on each other so deeply. I wish I could do something for the ones who are living thru deployments again....but I will pray for them and I know that prayer is what they need most. I know how it feels but I don't know how it feels to go thru it again so soon.

Thank you to all of my friends who are loving and supporting their husbands as they do their part to defend us and keep us safe. I know that I for one sleep well at night because of your husbands and mine, and also because of you wives......if not for you, he could not do his job the way he should. Thank you and I love you all.

Happy Independence Day!!

Well.....can't post a picture again...oh well.

Lee's mom came on Friday and left on Saturday.....she looked so good and it was so good to see her. Of course things were a little wierd but the kids were so excited to see her, they stood on the side of the road jumping up and down and waving the whole time she was driving down the street. So Friday we visited and she of course gave everyone goodies....she is so good about that....and Lee and Eric put on a fireworks show. Saturday morning she gave us a piano and a sewing machine and some other items and then took us to lunch. When we were eating lunch someone mentioned something about them leaving and Hannah caught it and just started crying....it was really sad. She cried for hours. She is excited though because Grandma says she is coming back in 2 weeks.

I can't wait to get some music for the piano that Lee will try to play. I love to hear him play. LOVE it!!!

Anyway, have a happy 4th and be safe!!

Summer Fun!

Well....the kids are having a great time together. Katie and Eric are making movies with the camcorder and entertaining us. It's funny, they are 14 and 12, but when they are together they act like they are still little, like 7 & 9. It's sweet. There are issues of course, but they work it out. Katie is more ignorant in the fields of trendy clothing and electronics because we just can't afford all of the things that Eric gets. She doesn't really care I guess, or she doesn't say anything if she does. I try to get her a few of the popular namebrands and mix and match the rest. It's hard when we struggle so hard to get them the stuff they do have. But, this is life. I know he's just proud of what people give him and doesn't mean to hurt them, but it does. They're all just kids and all innocent.

Lee's mom will be coming thru on Friday, the kids are so excited to see Grandma. It has been 4 years. They don't remember spending time with her, but they definitely know her because of all the photos I keep out and stories we tell. I am happy the kids get to see her. I wish we had normal familial relationships, the children need that. I barely speak to my mom, I recently spent 6 months without talking to my sister and I feel no huge loss. It's sad, but it is what it is. Sometimes you have to cut dangerous (emotionally or physically) people out of your life, at least for a while until either they change or you learn how to handle things. I think I have finally learned , with God's help, how to deal with my family and not be too close but not be too distant. Hopefully we can slowly form a new relationship with Lee's mom, I need her in my life too and I hope she's open to it.

"Please Lord let us have a good visit with Johanna and her husband. I pray the children will love on her and she on them and that we will all be comfortable. I pray for their safety as they travel. I pray that our hearts & minds will be right."

Woohoo!!

This is a picture of Drew at the river back behind our house. He was trying to skip rocks like his daddy taught him. Maybe the trouble with pictures had to do with the template I had been using.....I changed and now I added a picture!!! Thus the title! Woohoo!!! Drew hit a double last night in baseball....that boy is something....he hit it into the outfield! He's only 4!!!! I love to see him being such a guy, it makes me want to cry. Hannah got sick at the game, I think she was becoming dehydrated so she had to sit out the last half of the last inning . She likes baseball but says she is ready for basketball to start up again. Katie is in Alabama, please pray for her. I want a pool, I think our kids would get enjoyment with it but Lee has worked so hard on our yard, I don't know where we would put it. I want one of those 14 x 3.6 ones at wal-mart for like $150. It's alot of money but hey, I would even get it in it, might even help me lose some of these extra pounds. .....Also, a man at Wal-mart yesterday was walking around handing out $2 bills. He didn't even say much, I have no idea why he was doing it, but I thought it was cool. We said thank you and went on our way. GOd has really been dealing with me lately, I have been too picky about churches, I have to get in a church, get involved, sing, fellowship...I have met some really nice ladies so I need to get out there and not be so scared. I love small Bible studies so I need to get back to going when it starts back after summer. I have been trying to work through some issues with rejection....I always reject perfectly nice people because I think they will eventually reject me. Gotta stop it. I need a friend and I will never get one with that attitude. I am praying that God change me so I can be more open and friend worthy. I have no family really so I need to make more friends and surround myself with positive, nurturing people. Love to all of my friends that I can't be with right now! I miss you!!!!

Hey you guys!!!

Hey You Guuuuyyyyysssss!!!!!

Now say it slow and loud.....like on Electric Company. Is there anyone else in the world who remembers watching Electric Company?

The other night a show Lee watches (animated show) had a big hunk of cheese run into the room and sing while wearing a cowboy hat and boots, something like "hankering for a hunk of cheese"....I guess you had to be there but I died laughing, I hadn't thought of or seen that commercial in YEARS!!!

Well, the interview went well although I have not heard anything back yet...I will get a call either way I was told. I think it was a good interview, but then again, this is a very small town (1100 people) and I am still new here. I know that plays a role in their hiring process.

Our neighbor invited us to go down to her river front right behind our house on sunday....it was so gorgeous!! She owns like 150 acres that surrounds us and has some river front. The kids found HUGE tadpoles, crawfish, and muscles. They had such a good time. Lee and I did too, Lee was skipping rocks with Drew. It was cute. We all had such a good time, it was the first time we have been down to the river so now we know how very close we are to the river and why we get so much wildlife around here.

The Crocker Slammers are 4-0.....although they don't announce the scores since the kids are so little, but I keep up with it. Hannah and Drew both are so cute and surprisingly good at it! Drew can hit the ball when they pitch it to him and for 4 I think that is very good!!! Hannah is good at it and especially likes to play first base. Their coach is very good at letting everyone have a chance to play different positions. Drew likes to be catcher.

Katie is flying to Alabama on Friday (tomorrow) so please keep her in your prayers, she isn't really scared to fly alone, she has done it plenty of times but there is always a small amount of anxiety involved with going to Alabama. I am better at letting her go now that she is getting older, but I am still her mom and I still cry every single time she leaves. And every single time she leaves, the first thing out of Lee's mouth is "are you okay?" and then at some point that first day or two he says "missin' your baby??"....he asked it when she was 3 and leaving me for a month and he still does.

Well, that's it for now, still can't load pictures here but at least I can finally TAB and start new paragraphs!!! LOL....it's the little things in life, you know? LOL LOL

Prepare in Faith

Hi all! Thanks for posting Jen, I am glad you check my blog...I have a job interview tomorrow!! Woohoo!!...the position is secretary of the high school. It seems like a great opportunity for me, I would work in the same building as all of my kids....the high and elementary schools here are connected by a shared lunchroom.....it seems ideal. I know that God has a plan though, so if they don't pick me, then something He wants me to do will come along. Oh, I forgot to say that I dropped off my application a few weeks ago and got the call on Tuesday that they had chosen 3 applications for interviews....so I'm 1 of 3!!! I was a legal secretary for almost 3 years, and then moved to a doctor's office, I only moved because the law office I worked for had no health benefits and being a single mom, I needed insurance....and the doctor's office had great benefits!!! Plus freebies if we got sick!! hahahaha.......The kids have another game tonight....should be fun. I spoke with Lee's mom the other night after I believe more than 2 years. We have exchanged cards and pics but no real correspondence for all this time. It was good to catch up with her and I hope things one day can be the way they should. Anyway, just rambling, I will post after the job interview tomorrow to give you guys the update...but for now, I am preparing in FAITH that either way, God has His hand on my life!

GO SLAMMERS!!

GO CROCKER SLAMMERS!!! Hannah and Drew played their first baseball game last night. It was SO funny!! But their team won. Drew was of course the little comedian and Hannah was as serious as ever. I told her she ran really fast and she said "I ran like the wind!".....they had fun and that's what really matters. Of course when we got there my camcorder wouldn't work, it is 7 years old. We really want one of those new DVD recording camcorders anyway so we'll have to save up I guess. They both hit the ball well and ran fast. I still can't TAB down and start a new paragraph, very very annoying. And, I would load a picture, if I could........ugh

Well....summer vacation has begun....yesterday was the first day officially and the girls are already fighting over Barbies!!!! lol I told them it would be a long miserable summer if this is how intend to spend it. We have lots of fun things planned, Eric is coming for a visit so the kids are thrilled!! I just can't believe that Katie is going into 7th grade and Hannah into 1st. I am glad Katie is the way she is though, she is very opinionated and lets her friends know when she thinks something is wrong. She loses friends that way but she says this, "What if I am the only person that ever speaks the truth to them?" She's right. I know there are too many kids who never hear the truth, they are ignored or worse, encouraged when they do the wrong thing. This BLOG is having another off day, it won't let me TAB down to start a new paragraph, so I am going to go and surf for another site to blog on......I'll let you know if I change..... so long for now, have a great day

MIA

Hi everybody!!

Sorry I haven't been posting lately......this site has been having issues and it was a bunch of trouble just to post....hopefully it has been worked out.

Well, where to start?....Katie graduated 6th grade, won the Highest Grade in Choir and the Art Achievement Award....she had a great night and looked beautiful. She made all A's on her report card and was inducted into the Nat'l Jr Honor Society on May 1st.

Hannah graduated Kindergarten today....she had a great year and cried because she will miss her teacher. Her teacher is so sweet and special.

Drew is going to start half day preschool next year at the school and I applied for a secretarial position there. If it's God's will, I will get it, if not something else will come along.

We are all finally well and hopefully we will stay that way.

Lee will get his Associate's Degree this month so I am very proud of him.

There are some family issues that really need prayer. Please pray for me. Thanks so much for checking my BLOG and I will post more often....

R.I.P.

Rest in peace Rex the Turtle, 10/6/05-4/9/06.

Now sure what happened to little Rex, but we loved him while he was here. Drew got him on his birthday from a sweet older lady at church who found him at her home. He was newly hatched, still had some "yolk sack" on his underside.

Hannah Baby was quite upset at the sight of him, so we have decided to hold a proper burial for him this afternoon.

He was a strong little guy, he even survived being turtle-napped by our cat Patches...he was found hours later unharmed (but covered with cat hair) under a piece of furniture.

We live less than a half of a mile from the river so we find lots of turtles in our yard but Rex was special because he was so incredibly tiny....I will try to post the only picture we have of him....posing beside a quarter.

Feeling Nice

When Lee proposed marriage, he said to me "you are the nicest person I have ever known..." then of course he said other sweet things to me. But that one sentence struck me.

I think of that from time to time and think what a wonderful compliment that was and I know he really meant it. I didn't even have to fake it, I was truly nice.

Well, about a month ago we were chatting, about what I can't remember, when he made the comment to me, "you are negative about everything" He was right. We weren't even arguing which made those words even sharper to me, because he wasn't saying them in anger.

I am trying harder everyday to be that nice person Lee fell in love with. I think that sweetness was very attractive to him. I will be honest, I have to fake it sometimes, but I find that even if I fake it for a while, then it becomes easier and more natural again. I have to bite my tongue alot and even have to stop and say, "ok, is this a big deal??". If it's not, and most things aren't, I let it go and I SMILE!

I think some of my attitude came from being without Lee for more than a year, I had to be stronger, harder, more realistic......when I was so used to being the sweet and emotional one. I couldn't find a balance with all of that so I went too far to the hard unemotional side. I know I haven't lost all of that sweetness, I know it is in me. I don't want to be a doormat but I do want to be nice. It's very easy for us all to think of a woman right now who always has a bad attitude, or is always negative. Well, I don't want to be the one thought of.

I need to get back to the real me. I am sweet. I am emotional. I am nice. I am strong but also soft, I can be the strong silent type instead of the whining negative gripey type. I need to give the role of practical hardass back to Lee!!! Love you Babe, it's all yours.....

Lee's Next Story

http://www.waynesvilledailyguide.com/articles/2006/03/29/opinion/editorial01.txt

Ya gotta love MISSOURI!!!

The kids and I went on a road trip Sunday afternoon....we had a great time in Jefferson City to the capitol. Hannah enjoyed it most, she wants to live in the capitol building, she is silly. It is a beautiful site as far as capitols go , I know they all are big and pretty but this one is something special.

"Ideally situated atop a bluff overlooking the Missouri River, this eye-catching domed structure was erected in the period 1912-1917. It houses the Governor's office, General Assembly, and most of the ceremonial offices of the elected officials. Worthy of special mention are the bronze doors, reputed as the widest cast since the Roman era, and the grand stairway 30' wide, the widest in the world. "

The widest in the WORLD??? That's kind of hard for me to believe but I guess I do since it is written on the postcard Katie bought.

So the children LOVED going on our "Missouri Adventure", that's what we call it when we drive and go somewhere new, and we don't really know where we're going! I am proud of myself for setting out on my own without Lee, just me and my little map....and I actually found what I was looking for. Okay, so it is the capitol of the state and has a huge oversized dome jutting into the sky but still, I found it!!!

......I even parallel parked!!!!!

I will post some pics as soon as blogger.com gets back in working order and allows me to, they must be having issues today

Way to go Katie!!

My Katie was asked to join the National Junior Honor Society!! Woohoo!!

She is one of 7 kids chosen out of 42 sixth graders. What makes this achievement even more special is that Katie isn't a straight A student although she has done a lot better in this school than she ever has. It is a smaller school and I think a smaller environment works better for her. She has made As & Bs with 1 C. The letter sent home said that the kids chosen were picked by the faculty based on scholarship, leadership, service, character, and citizenship. So I stressed to Katie that this had more to do with who she is than what grades she made.

She is so excited. They will have a formal induction ceremony next month and then 6th grade graduation in May.

Hannah will graduate kindergarten in May as well, she has been ready for 1st grade since about week 3. She can read and write very well for kindergarten and loves to go to school, cries when she has to stay home. I hope it's always this way. She surely has her dad's analytical mind and photographic memory so she needs school.

I am so thankful to God that He picked me to be the mother of these precious children.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Easier said than done sometimes, and God really slapped me around this afternoon over just this issue.

I had a hectic morning, getting the girls ready for school and Lee was here so I was making him a bologna, egg & cheese english muffin, that man loves those things. We were already running behind schedule and then as we were leaving I realized that the dog was outside and he wasn't coming when I called. (He got shot with a BB 2 days ago so we are trying to keep him close to home, usually chained up but I thought he would come right back this morning, WRONG!)

Anyway, we get down to the main road and there he was so I threw him in the back of my Aztek and went to drop off the girls. A few hours later, I got a call reminding me about some movies I needed to return so I went out again. I returned the movies, went to the post office and then stopped at Wal-mart.

While there, Lee called. I'll just say that there wasn't exactly beautiful music playing in the background as we spoke. He thought I was being short. Maybe I was. But I was in a bad bad mood and he wasn't exactly all smiles and rainbows either.

So then Drew and I went to McDonalds....of course they got my order wrong and the burgers were not even really wrapped, they were falling apart. I was ready to cry I was so mad and disgusted.

At that moment, just as I turned my radio up the evangelist was saying this,"Would anybody look at you and say, look, there's a Christian, I want a double dose of what they have!!?"

NO.....I thought about how I must have looked at Wal-mart, pouting, talking ugly to Drew and I probably had a scowl on my face the whole time. I am embarrassed of the way I acted.

I really needed that reality check in the car....thank you Lord for speaking to me so loud & clear!

I love it when He makes His words for me so obvious.

I haven't watched Oprah in years. I used to watch her, back when she didn't try so hard to change the world. Even my kids know we don't watch her, if I am flipping channels and she is on, they speak up, "We don't watch her!!" Sometimes she will have something on her show that I want to see, but more than ever I should not only avoid her show, I should feel REALLY good about doing it!

Please click this link to see Oprah explaining how there "couldn't possibly" be only one way to heaven. Her show is lighthearted or heartwarming a lot of the time, to suck people in, to get people (mostly women) to trust her, and then she speaks her mind like this and I am afraid a lot of people are like "Yeah! There can't be only one way! Oprah's right." No she isn't right, she is trying to make herself feel better in some way and be politically correct. Living a good life will not get you into heaven, I don't care how many houses you build for hurricane victims or how many makeovers you give people.

Woman in audience "There is only one way, and that is through Jesus"
OPRAH emphatically "There couldn't possibly be, there couldn't possible be only one way!!"



http://www.watchman.org/oprah.htm

I can't say I am shocked...I guess sickened is the word...knowing that millions of people watch her and probably heard the all-knowing Oprah (sarcasm of course) telling them that there cannot possibly be only one way to get to heaven. She told millions of people something 100% contrary to the Word of God. Maybe she should read John 14:6.



6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

:)

OK, so maybe I have been a little worked up the past few days....but like the title of my blog implies....my posts reveal whatever is on "MY HEART" at that moment. One day something intense, next day maybe something funny.

My kids had spring break this week-end...that's all they get, a 4 day week-end. They do get another one in April though. We got up on Saturday morning and took them to breakfast at McDonald's and let them play in the playcenter, it was Lee's idea. They thought that was so cool, even Katie still likes to run around and play in it even though she is now officially taller than me. She is at that age when half the time she wants to be silly and play dressup and the other half of the time she is just indifferent and sulking about nothing in particular. I remember those days.

We rarely go out to eat, we just mainly use the drive thrus. Lee and I sometimes act like germ-o-phobes at restaurants, but just think about it for a minute.....

Think about all the people who sit in those chairs and eat at that table at McDonalds. Where have they been, what have they been doing? When did they last wash their hands? You sit down and touch all thse edges where other people have touched and then you touch your food. You can't possibly avoid touching the table or chair.

What about the carts at Wal-mart....yuk! Think about all the germs. I think they should make disposeable cart handle covers like they make flushable toilet seat covers. And I can't stand to have to take one of the kids into the bathroom in public ....they touch things! At least Drew can point and pee but he still touches things!

Sometimes when we buy clothes the kids will want to wear them right away....then I have to explain how gross that is. What if a kid wiped his nose on it, or spit on it, or worse!!

Oh well....I'm really not a germ-o-phobe but if I thought about it long enough, I probably could become one.