Feeling Nice

When Lee proposed marriage, he said to me "you are the nicest person I have ever known..." then of course he said other sweet things to me. But that one sentence struck me.

I think of that from time to time and think what a wonderful compliment that was and I know he really meant it. I didn't even have to fake it, I was truly nice.

Well, about a month ago we were chatting, about what I can't remember, when he made the comment to me, "you are negative about everything" He was right. We weren't even arguing which made those words even sharper to me, because he wasn't saying them in anger.

I am trying harder everyday to be that nice person Lee fell in love with. I think that sweetness was very attractive to him. I will be honest, I have to fake it sometimes, but I find that even if I fake it for a while, then it becomes easier and more natural again. I have to bite my tongue alot and even have to stop and say, "ok, is this a big deal??". If it's not, and most things aren't, I let it go and I SMILE!

I think some of my attitude came from being without Lee for more than a year, I had to be stronger, harder, more realistic......when I was so used to being the sweet and emotional one. I couldn't find a balance with all of that so I went too far to the hard unemotional side. I know I haven't lost all of that sweetness, I know it is in me. I don't want to be a doormat but I do want to be nice. It's very easy for us all to think of a woman right now who always has a bad attitude, or is always negative. Well, I don't want to be the one thought of.

I need to get back to the real me. I am sweet. I am emotional. I am nice. I am strong but also soft, I can be the strong silent type instead of the whining negative gripey type. I need to give the role of practical hardass back to Lee!!! Love you Babe, it's all yours.....